What does it feel like to show up when you are dreaming big but feeling static? It is hard. It is hard to show up and work a forty-hour week while hoping for more. It is hard to feel like what you are doing might be a waste of your very precious time. But if you want to change your life, you need to start by doing something different. Jordan is doing that now in New York, and I can do that here in Coeur d’Alene.
Right now, I am trying to spend one to two hours a day learning, building something, and studying how to make a living online. It is not easy to start over after raising kids and finally starting to live life for yourself. Who is left in there, and what does she have to give? I know a few things about myself. I am a hard worker, I have good taste, I love being creative, and I want to make a beautiful life for myself. The rest I will just have to figure out.
In the meantime, I am still showing up. I am going to work, taking my daughter to school, to dentist appointments, and helping her study for tests. I am showing up at every football game, cheering her on. I am spending time with friends and trying to find joy in this phase of life. I am also exploring the idea of starting a vintage shop with my best friend. We spend our weekends at garage sales and estate sales, and even talk to the owner of a vintage mall. I refuse just to sit around and wait for my life to start in New York when I am waiting for my daughter to graduate high school. I am building something now that will propel me forward and prepare me for the digital nomad visa I need to gain citizenship in Portugal eventually.
I am enrolling in Portuguese classes online at the University of Coimbra and praying I get in. I am defining my goals and creating steps to make them real. That is the beauty of not being with my husband every night. Even though it is hard, it gives me the space to figure out who I am. It gives him the same opportunity, and strangely, the longer we are apart, the more united we feel.
Oh, and big thanks to our dog Charlie, who makes pretty good company and gives me snuggles when I need them the most.
About the Author
I am Summer, a nurse and mom of three, living in Idaho while preparing for a future in New York and eventually Portugal. My writing is about what it feels like to balance everyday responsibilities with dreaming big and taking steps toward the life I imagine.
Next Steps
- Dedicate one to two hours a day to learning and building an online income
- Stay present with my daughter and support her through her last years of school
- Continue exploring the vintage shop idea with my best friend
- Await results of the application for Portuguese classes at the University of Coimbra
- Keep writing here as a way to stay accountable and reflect on the journey
